I was very sick. The symptoms of a chronic illness had resurfaced within my body so severely that I was forced into bed for three weeks. The timing couldn’t be worse. The ministry I was director of had just announced a major expansion in our mission and I had signed on with a friend for a side job to help pay for braces my daughter needed. I needed to be working, to be on top of things. Instead I was bed ridden and useless. By week three of my illness worry and anxiousness had infected me with self-doubt and confusion. I felt like a man with shell shock, dazed, confused and uncertain about almost everything I was certain about just three weeks before.
An anxious heart weighs a man down,
Proverbs 12:25a NIV
Worry can assault the mind and heart with a life stealing darkness that takes on a life of it’s own. The mind can be ravaged by thoughts of destruction and worse case scenarios. Worry also has the power to invade our futures with fears and doubts over days we have yet to see. We begin to imagine obstacles that block our way to happiness and choke our hearts with hopelessness. Worry can also drag every past mistake, missed opportunity or sin right into our present to condemn us with a false belief that we deserve our dismal futures.
For myself, a minister, father and husband the worry and anxiousness I experienced during my recent illness lingered for days after my recovery. I literally stumbled through ten days of self-doubt, fear and condemnation unable to function in my God given roles. I had forgotten all the promises of God and His miraculous works in my life thus far. My worries had weighed me down and crowded out every truth of God I had gained and embraced for my life. I resembled a zombie, the walking dead.
Spiritual amnesia- Like a blow to the head worry and fear can cause spiritual amnesia.
All too quickly the way is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced. Mark 4:19 The Amplified Bible
In the parable of the sower Jesus warns us about worrying. He compares worry and anxiousness to rocks and weeds in a garden. I am not a gardener but I did help my dad take care of his garden when I was a boy by pulling weeds every few days. I was to young at the time to understand that if the weeds were allowed to grow they would steal life-giving nutrients from the squash, green beans and cucumbers rendering them fruitless. I should have remembered during my illness my experiences in my dad’s garden pulling weeds and Jesus’ warning in His parable about the sower.
Thankfully God had planted two seeds of the kingdom into my heart through my Godly parents.
My Father, a pastor showed me that in every situation we should seek God first.
Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Matthew 6:33 The Message
My mother always quoted Philippians’ 4:6 to anyone that would confide in her their worries, fears or doubts and then would take their hand and lead them in prayer.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Philippians 4:6 New Living Translation
The fruit in my parent’s lives that all could see produced seeds that germinated deep in my heart and I knew that I had some weeding to do. So in the weeks that followed my illness I began to steep myself in God truth by once again spending time in reading His Word and taking every worry, doubt and fear to God in prayer.
God responded and soon I began to experience His hands along side mine pulling weeds.
Your brother and servant in Christ,
Mark Folk
